What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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