He is an equal opportunity slut.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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