Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
