Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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