So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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