4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
