Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
