shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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