Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
