How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize