Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
