He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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