margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize