Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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