my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
