I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
