It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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