Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
