remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize