Betty ford says i'm here all night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
