she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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