As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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