the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
