A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
