fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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