I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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