i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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