i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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