this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
