oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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