so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
