I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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