go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
