I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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