I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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