...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize