Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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