im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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