Don't make out with my wife yet
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
