i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
