I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I party with great urgency now.
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