youre lurking in front of me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
