When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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