we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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