It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
