I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
