You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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