I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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