I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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