just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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