the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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