I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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