She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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