I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
