M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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