I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
