So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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