just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
