Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
