I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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