why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
