unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
