ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
