I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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