how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
