I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
