2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
