when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Welp...herpes.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
