I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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