you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
