if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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