everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
