I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want to fling myself into the sun
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
