good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
