Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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